


You have the eyes of your mother

by tokilu



Series: You choose the pairing, I write about them! [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Dead Father - Freeform, Drunk Fight, F/M, Growing Up, Jealousy, Suicidal Thoughts, War, short-hair Neji
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:00:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23882674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tokilu/pseuds/tokilu
Summary: Thoughts and feelings of Neji Hyuga during the time pre and post war, most of them regarding Tenten.
Relationships: Hyuuga Neji/Tenten
Series: You choose the pairing, I write about them! [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1646608
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! This is for the "You choose the pairing, I write about them!" challenge. It was asked by "Person", but they don't have an account, so I hope that somehow they see this!  
> This isn't going to have a lot of chapters, probably between 7-8, and I have most of it written already.  
> As always, thanks to [Link](https://that-link-on-the-internet.tumblr.com/) for beta'ing. <3  
> And finally, [my tumblr](https://lampuga.tumblr.com/), in case you want to follow me/tell me a prompt for a story/talk to me in these endless quarantine days!

I've always thought of my character as a big lake controlled by a dam. By a strong dam, made of concrete. It would require a big impact, probably the detonation of a chain of explosives, in order to break my barriers and let my emotions come to the surface.

Tenten achieved that and much more. Much, much more. She got the water to crash hard and uncontrollably into everything and roll over everything as I knew it.

I'd like to say she made it through love, but maybe that was not the whole truth. She also made it through jealousy, and even I, who do not know much about love, know that that is not it, that’s not love. But when Kiba slipped one of his hands down Tenten's thigh, I knew that whatever it was, it was dangerously close to being it.

我 

_ [me] _

I'm not ashamed to admit that love was not something that haunted my head. I didn't know the love of a mother or the love of a brother, since I was an only child. After seeing what they did to my father, I swore to myself that I would never bring children into my clan. I didn't know what it meant to have children, nor all that it entailed. Though my fists could kill armies, my eyes could see through walls, and my will could not fend off even to the greatest of storms, my love was still innocent, for it was still locked inside me. It was Naruto Uzumaki who first taught me a path other than hatred, and in that moment I realized that there were things that my fists could not destroy, my eyes could not see and my will could not endure, no matter how hard I tried to not admit it.

Over the years, I came to appreciate Lee's companionship as much as Tenten’s. I was able to say that Lee was my  _ friend, _ and understand what that meant. Sometimes, though, he was too ridiculous. And yet, I would never have laughed at him or at Gai-sensei, but I could see how Tenten was not as strong as I was, and sometimes she would pursue her lips and look away to hold a smile. I could not help but frown. I had given up judging anyone for not following the seriousness of the manners when I had to eat dust in the fight against Naruto Uzumaki, and I did not appreciate the lack of decorum that Tenten displayed. I never told her anything, and she never mentioned anything to me either.

However, Lee thought very differently. After making a fool of himself, he seemed to be expecting her to laugh, to enjoy his own ridicule. And when Tenten couldn't help but laugh out loud, Lee would smile, and when he looked at her, his eyes would glow.

At that moment I didn't understand how glorious a woman could be when she was laughing, but I would understand later. Lee understood it long before I did.

彼女

_ [she] _

This story, our story, it happened in the span of a week.

On Monday, we had an argument.

I cut my hair the next day.

On Thursday, I was the one that told her war was going to break soon, and she would be in my team.

On Saturday, we went, side by side, to the battleground.

She saved my life not long after.

我ら

_ [us] _

I would want to say we fought over a complex technique. Over our strategy as a team. Damn, I would even would prefer to say we fought over her insubordination to me, as a jonin and usually, as a team leader. That happened, too, but that’s a different story.

“If it makes the technique harder, why don’t you cut it?”

We were training at the third training ground. The sun was beginning to settle down, telling us the day was an inch closer to its end.

Gai-sensei and Lee were still doing handstand push-ups a little further away from us, over the water. Gai-sensei looked as energetic as ever, but one could see Lee was barely holding up.

Tenten was sitting, cross-legged, with her back against a tree. She was facing me while I practiced the gentle fist, my hair constantly getting in my face because of how slow I was doing the katas, how meticulous. It wasn't the first time that happened. The winter was closing upon us, but the intensity of our training did not forgive the sweat running through my skin and making my hair tangled and sticky after a few hours of pushing my body to its limits. The only way I knew of training, really. 

When she spoke, the look of my face must have shown mortification, for when she saw it, she quickly retreated.

“Sorry, it was a stupid joke.”

I didn’t find it funny. It _was_ stupid. My jaw tensed before I spoke. “You know it’s a symbol of my clan.”

She sighed.

“That’s news to me.”

Tenten — she usually didn’t test his patience. She did, that day.

“Hinata has it long, Hiashi—“

“Not that. You, feeling like you belong to your clan.”

My neck turned so fast, it felt as if I pulled a muscle.

“How dare you?”

She blinked a couple of times, like she couldn’t believe she had said that.

“Neji, I—...”

I have told Tenten some things, that part was true. She knew how I felt about the clan rules. But at the end of the day, I was Hyūga. And she didn’t know a thing.

She didn't finish the sentence, and I was not really expecting her to. Her thoughts and opinions were hers, and I had no control over that.

She couldn't hold my glaze, so she looked away. But I kept looking at her, waiting.

For what, I didn’t know.

Maybe it was a mistake to look at her like that, in broad daylight. I didn't used to allow myself that whim, because I know better than anyone how much eyes can say, how much a look can uncover. But it would have been a crime not to admire how her lip turned red after she bit into it slightly, how she seemed to have sweat on her eyelashes, how she had undone the first two buttons on her shirt, the one she always wore for training. She had a couple of unruly hairs that had come loose from her perfect... bows, and they were falling down her neck. My fingertips were itching. 

She made me feel funny inside. She made my stomach drop and my throat harsh. Something, I couldn’t point out what, was tingling inside me.

I didn’t like not knowing things, and I prefered anger over ignorance.

She was now looking at Lee and Gai. I didn’t need to move my head to know they were probably just playing by now, sounds of water splashing and voices I could hear faded to focus on what was in front of me. Tenten, smiling at them.

“Why were you laughing at Lee?”

“When?” she asked back, confused. She looked back at me, surprised by my tone. Maybe I was a little surprised too. So much for my perfect self-control.

“When we were kids. Now, even. You don’t try to control it.”

Tenten seemed puzzled for a moment. I glared at the little wrinkled she got when she furrowed her eyebrows like that, trying to decipher what I really meant by that. 

“I wasn’t laughing _at_ him. I respect Lee,” she said softer, although they couldn't hear us from that distance.

“You were looking at him and laughing before. And smiling now.”

She got silent for a moment. Then, the wrinkle disappeared and a little smirk appeared. “Lee and I — we joke a lot, Neji.”

“Jokes? It doesn’t look like it.”

It surely didn’t. 

She turned her face and looked at me through the corner of her hazelnut eyes, and her smirk turned into a smile. “You know, being able to laugh about yourself doesn’t always mean considering yourself any less. Lee — he is a funny guy. He knows what he is worth, and I know too. That’s what it’s entertaining about him, all those outfits, all that attitude. He is strong, the strongest, if you ask me. He could act all smug and arrogant, but he chooses not to.”

“You mean, like me? Smug and arrogant, like me?”

A weird sparkle tickled in her eyes, and she looked like she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “The great Neji Hyuga? Suddenly self-conscious? This is something to behold.”

I could feel color draining off my face.

I turned around and started walking without saying a word.

"Neji! Leaving already?" I could hear Lee shouting.

"Yes. Enough training for today. See you tomorrow, Lee, Gai-sensei," I said, turning just the slightest to regard them. If Lee noticed my disturbance, he didn't mention.

Because in fact, the little exchange with Tenten had really bothered me, and I needed to think about it. It bothered me a lot. In fact, even if my face didn't even show a line of tension, I felt anger coursing through me.

While walking to the compound, I could feel Tenten's eyes on my back, piercing through me until I was out of sight.

That was the first day that Tenten dared to speak to me like that, and it wasn’t going to be the last. It wouldn't be the last day I would fall asleep thinking about what I would have wanted to say to her, either.

シンボル

_ [a symbol] _

My eyes were looking back at me with pity. 

When I arrived at the compound, it was almost black outside. I landed graciously, I took off my clothes and bandages tidily, I entered the shower when the water was not hot nor cold.

I cleaned my body, but afterwards, when I looked at myself in the mirror, something wasn’t right anymore.

I tried to figure it out by looking at my reflection. The brown loose pants I used for sleeping were hugging my waist tightly. The cold contact of my feet with the wooden floor. The signal of the Hyūga Main Family's Juinjutsu, green even in the dim light. My hair, waist-long, tickling my face, neck, shoulders, shoulder blades.

I looked at it curiously. It took me a lot of time to make it look neat.

I looked at my clothes, gathered in a pile upon a wooden desk. My kunai holder on top of them all.

_ You, feeling like you belong to your clan. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge kudos to [raspberryfanfics](https://raspberryfanfics.tumblr.com/), who had to edit this poorly written English fic! 💖 Thank you again for your service, soldier  
> I hope you guys like it! I'd be very happy if you'd give me some feedback 🌸  
> [My Tumblr!](https://lampuga.tumblr.com/) in case you want to follow me/send me a prompt/whatever!

A large majority of shinobi didn't know about the upcoming war except we, the jonins, and of course, the ANBU. But it was a war, and ninjas were not idiots. At least not the majority of them.

That's why when the Konoha 11 organized a dinner that night, it felt like a send off party, although nobody said it out loud.

When I entered the small room of the bar we had reserved for, I could feel everyone’s gaze focused on me. I think I’ve never had that much attention since the chūnin exams. I didn’t care back then, and I hardly cared that night.

What a liar I had become.

I didn't care overall, but I did care for her opinion.

I sat down in front of Tenten, stealing just a quick glance from her. It took all that was in me not to smirk, not even a little. At her stupor, of course.

If someone had asked me why I did it, the truth is I wouldn't have had an answer to give them, so I probably would have offered them silence. It wasn't a premeditated act, that's true, but it didn't come out of nowhere either. I simply did it. I cut it - my hair. What was true is that my head had fantasized several times about her possible reactions, reactions like the one that was being displayed in front of me. I would have loved to raise my gaze and enjoy the simple pleasure of seeing her eyes wide-open, the way she had stopped the glass of water she was drinking somewhere between the table and her lips, her jaw slightly dislocated. But I was not a man who indulged in pleasure.

When it turned too uncomfortable, I coughed, and the spell broke. Ino started to chat vividly with Sakura, Shikamaru laid back and listened to Chōji indirectly, and a waitress arrived to take our order.

It didn’t take long for the food to arrive.

“So... new year, new look?” beamed Naruto, leaning back on his chair so he was able to see me past Sakura, who was sitting between us. 

I didn’t part my eyes from my food, putting it in the grill. Although I recognized Naruto’s capability back in the past, that didn’t make him any less loud.

“Long hair is a nuisance, I’ll give you that,” Ino intervened from the other side of the table. I had to nod internally.

“Then why do you have it so long?” Sakura asked her.

“Because it’s cute,” she plainly answered while giving her a wink. Sakura rolled her eyes and sighed.

“Such a ninja you are.”

“If you are skilled, the length of your hair shouldn’t matter. An enemy wouldn’t come close to it,” Shikamaru said to no one in particular.

“That’s why you keep yours long? To brag?” asked Ino.

“No, I do it because it makes my eye color stand out,” Shikamaru joked back, mimicking Ino and making everyone chuckle except her.

“You have it long because you’re too lazy to cut it, dude,” Choji added, stamping at least three pieces of pork in his mouth. Shikamaru just shrugged in return.

During the meal, I asked Sakura about the last medical reports and we had a small polite exchange. With time, I found out I was truly interested in medical investigation, and talking with Sakura was always an inspiring chatter. I liked seeing the will of fire in her eyes, how they sparkled when she talked about anatomy and dojutsu and everything in between.

And after a while, they were all half drunk. Tenten and I were that little older, so we had a whole year to learn how to drink — not that we used it. But it was new for them, the legality.

“Dude — you even have bangs,” Naruto said to me, amazed. I knew, for talking with Sakura, poison didn’t affect Naruto because of the kyuubi inside him, and alcohol was indeed poison. But he wouldn't use his sobriety to his advantage — not that often, at least.

I couldn’t help but admire his ability to talk to everyone openly, tipsy or not; in comparison, nobody except my team, him, and sometimes Sakura, would talk to me. With Lee being away on a mission, I knew I was only invited because Tenten was.

“It was annoying me,” I explained to him. I hadn’t drink a drop that night, and for my quick glances to Tenten’s glass of water, she hadn’t either.

“The hair?”

I lifted my eyes from her glass to her face for the first time that night. The question she asked seemed inoffensive, so nobody paid further attention to it. Maybe if they were on a mission trying to gather intel, or if they actually cared about me and Tenten, or if they knew what I knew, they would have asked.

But they weren’t, and they didn’t.

I looked away, a small smirk trying to show itself on my lips, and probably a big teasing one plastered on her face.

The rest of the night was gone before I could notice. I got the constant feeling I was really going to miss this small part of Konoha and this big group of idiots when things started to break loose. 

We went out of the restaurant and it seemed like all the talking and the laughs started to fade away like a day giving itself to the night, even if it had been dark for quite some time now.

When I looked, Naruto was enthusiastically talking to Hinata. She was walking towards the compound with him.

It was the first time she didn’t ask for my company to walk her home, and it was probably because she was quite entertained. It looked like she didn’t remember we always walked home together.

For her body posture, I could see how much she loved that he was paying attention to her. At that moment, he must had say something dumb, or at least dumber than usual, because she shrunk her body and giggle, covering her mouth with her hand. Naruto was glancing at her. Lee popped into my mind again.

I didn’t realize how intently I was watching them until someone coughed behind me.

I turned around to find Tenten, the only one left, raising an eyebrow at me.

“What?”

She shook her head and then walked past me without taking her eyes off me and began to follow the street leading to her house. It wasn't too far from the condominium, mostly in the same direction, so I followed her silently. It wasn't the first time I had done so, but something inside me was slightly scrambled after seeing the scene of Naruto with Hinata, and for the looks, she wanted to ask me about it.

“You think they’re together?” she interrogated me when we were far enough.

“If they are, he doesn’t deserve her.”

“Naruto doesn’t deserve her?” she asked, bemused. Well — he _was_ a hero, after all. The one that defeated Pain. Even Tenten must have admired him. As a man. I could see the point. Maybe.

“Yes, who else?”

“Why not? He is a good man, and he is nice to her.”

“And that’s enough? She could aspire to a lot more,” I said, scowling when she looked at me like I was crazy. It was enough of Naruto appraisal for a night. 

“What if she doesn’t want that? What if she wants Naruto?”

“Well — that’s her decision. That’s why I watched her go and didn’t stop them.”

After a beat, she said: “And what should Naruto do to gain her, then?” 

How should I know? Did _she_ want to date Hinata?

“What’s with all the questions?” But she kept looking at me and I sighed. “Buy her flowers?” I guessed, trying to think about things that could make Hinata happy. “Although he probably doesn’t even know which ones she like.”

“Which ones does she like?”

“Lillies.”

“And you?”

“Sunflowers.”

“And me?”

I exhale sharply, looking straight. I remembered the moment I found out.

“Plum blossoms.”

She gave me an odd look. The passing light of a street light made her skin look mandarine. “How…”

“You told me. The first day of academy.”

“Huh. I guess I did.”

We stopped in front of a corridor that led to a few apartment buildings, the place where I always left her. Or she always left me.

“Neji?”

“Mh?”

“I like your new hair.”

 _I did it because of you,_ I thought suddenly. Then I thought that was not true, but it was interesting how insights worked.

“It’s better this way,” I said in return.

“Yeah. It’s— it is.”

しかし、再び

_[but then, again]_

The night the village broke out in chaos, I was the one to tell her. She was a chunin, and I was supposed to get a jonin team and start to organize everything the morning after.

I asked for her and Lee nevertheless, and Tsunade gave me a long stare before accepting. We were a good team, diverse, but maybe not the best fitted for that crazy war. 

It was past dinner time. She wasn’t home, but it didn’t take me long to find Lee, who had arrived back that morning, and asked him if he knew where she was. He did. He had left her in a bar, but he told me she wasn’t alone, almost reassured me; heavens know why, because Tenten could take care of herself even asleep. I couldn’t help but notice that I hadn’t been invited to the small gathering, and Lee must have too, because he seemed eager to explain: “You wouldn’t have liked this type of bar.”

And he was right.

I had to cough a couple of times when I entered it. The air was so thick with smoke; it filled my lungs and almost made me spit on the filthy wooden floor. But decorum.

I found her by the bar counter, sitting on a wooden stool.

She was… laughing, carefree.

Her fingers fidgeting on her glass. Her legs closed. Upon one of them, there was a man’s hand. 

A wave of unfathomable rage filled my stomach.

It started in my lower abdomen and worked its way up to my chest. The smoke from my lungs mixed with something warm, burning, that seemed to hold my neck and tried to drown me.

I felt nauseous. I had to close my eyes to focus.

Why, one should have asked, I felt that way.

And I would answer: because Tenten fought with weapons. Nothing and no one would come close to her. All her scars, all her wounds — they were self-inflicted. She wasn’t a touchy-feely person, nor was I, and I could only record touching her skin when we spared, not for long and not a caress, precisely. She would put a pointy object inside everyone that dared to approach her more than it was necessary, or at least that’s what I thought before seeing that adventurous hand.

When she saw me, and our eyes met, she took Kiba’s hand from upon her thigh and put it away as fast as a blink of an eye.

“Neji,” she regarded me simply, her surprised demeanor changed into her natural sympathetic nature. 

The dog seemed pissed. Good. I was stopping myself from activating the byakugan and stopping his leg blood flow with just my index finger, but I didn’t want to know where his chakra was heading at the moment..

“We need to talk. Outside.” I turned on my foot as soon as I said it, and could hear her feet following me.

Fresh air, finally. Fresh, fresh air. I ran my fingers through my short hair, not really used to it yet.

She was looking at me with an expectant look, and I could hear the _"So?"_ in my head even if she wasn’t saying anything. I was kind of expecting her to justify why she was in a bar in the middle of the night with no one else but Kiba, but she didn't look like she was going to do it.

"We're going to head to the front soon. You're part of my team."

"It's a sensor team, the majority of them are Hyūga, but I needed some long-distance fighters for when our chakra's reserves are depleted."

"Alright. When do we part?" she asked, unfazed.

“The day after tomorrow.”

“‘right,” she repeated, and then nodded. “See you, then.”

She turned to go. Where, I wouldn’t know, because I was holding her wrist before I realised it.

Her skin was warm. She let go of my grip not abruptly but firmly, as if... I disgusted her.

"Tenten, this is not a typical mission. This is war."

"I know."

The sympathetic façade was long gone. Now she looked like she really didn’t want to be there, in front of a bar, talking to me. 

"Are you going back to…" _him?_ the bar?

"No," she cut me.

She sounded so bitter. Frustrated. Why was she frustrated?

She was wearing some kind of lipstick. It was mostly gone now. 

"Did he do something?" I spitted.

She glared at me in disbelief. "Who? Kiba?"

I just stared back at her.

"No, Neji. He didn't do anything," she sighed after a while. Something was so wrong.

Maybe it was because of… me?

That couldn't be.

I scanned her face. She was looking away, her lips forming a line. That little wrinkle. The way her body was tense, like she was about to run away at any moment. Just… why? We were okay the night before.

"About tomorrow," I said, eager to change the topic. "I think we should train together. Learn each other's moves so we can be one at the field."

Again, I didn't know what the look she gave me meant, and I was getting tired of not understanding this new Tenten, this new… us. The ‘after haircut’ us. 

She nodded slowly.

"Meet me at the training gym 2 at dawn. Bring everything you'll take to the front."

A couple of men came out of a bar and passed between me and Tenten. There was no mistake of the look they gave her before they went down the street.

"Sure."

"May I—"

"It's fine. See you tomorrow, Neji."

I wasn't used to not seeing a smile on her face. But then again, these weren’t happy times.


End file.
